Tara's Take

MeHubs Dream Girl

My Husband likes girls with tattoos.  Any kind of tattoo.  Lots of tattoos.  Girls with sleeves on their arms.  Girls with a rosary that winds around her lower back and stomach.  Girls with portraits of their dog on her leg.  He really likes girls with tattoos.

I don’t have any tattoos.  Not one, nada, zero, zilch.   I’m a tat free zone.  It’s not that I’m not against tats.  I think tattoos are beautiful.  I think tattoo artists are amazing, talented professionals.  Over the years I had flirted with the idea of getting a tattoo, but I never went through it mainly because I couldn’t think of one thing that was important enough to mark my body for life.  

And now I’m almost 40.  Things are starting to sag, really sag.  Now, there is NO way I’m going to mark my body.  I don’t want to be one of those 80 year olds who has “outgrown” her tattoo.  You know what I’m talking about.. the lil’ old lady with heart tattoo (and her husband’s name) that was once above her own heart.. but is now an unrecognizable mess near her nipple.  

So where am I going with all this?  Well, last night my dear friend @heykitty sent me this photo mashup.  Yes, that’s my face with some hot tattoo chick’s body.  

Kitty emailed me this photo NOT knowing my husband’s love of tattoos and not knowing my history of not having one.  The girl in this photo is MeHub’s dream girl. Thank you, Kitty… you have made a punk rocker dad’s fantasy become a virtual reality.

Playing Defense

Playing defense is one of the toughest  and one of the most critical elements of any game.   But it’s also one of the most unrewarding and also most neglected aspects of sports as well.

I played basketball for almost two decades.  I played it well—  running the plays, passing the ball, and shooting the clutch 3 pointer with seconds to go in the quarter. But I have always had to work extra hard at playing defense. 

The same could be said about my life now.   It’s even more apparent how much I suck at defense when you consider the past 7 days that I’ve had. I should start by clarifying that last week wasn’t a bad week, it was just a very strange, complex week in the life of Tara (yes, I’m refering to myself in the 3rd person. For the record, I  hate when people do that, but somehow it seems appropriate in this case).

Thousands of new visitors checked out “Tara’s Take” last week, and for that I’m very grateful.   The new web traffic was driven by my blog post titled, “10 Things You Should Say To Friend Without Kids”.   I wrote it in 5 minutes- a quick response to a story that I saw on Yahoo that morning. And It was my first blog post that went viral. 

Subsequently, it touched a nerve- both good and bad.  Last week, I found myself on the defense- responding to people who thought I was a bad mother, people who felt sorry for my kids, people who thought that I’m an angry and insensitive person, and people who thought I hate single people.  Yes, all that from one blog post.

Doing what I do for a living, I’m use to criticism on a mass scale.  I’m use to people ripping apart my writing, accusing me of bias (damn liberal media)  and I’m use to people commenting on my stories.   However, I was really thrown for a loop when people started to attack me personally and question whether I hate my kids.  

For the record, I love my children more than anything in this world.  Yes, I CHOSE to have them and it was the BEST decision of my life.   They are a joy and it’s a privilege to be their mother.  But that doesn’t mean that sometimes I wish that I was on a date with my husband, rather than watching “Monsters Inc” for the 801st Fucking time (that really got people.. that I was bitching about watching a Pixar movie with my kids, imagine the horror).

The naysayers also should know that my husband is my biggest supporter and finds this blog hilarious (even the biting posts about him).  He loves me for me, the good, the bad and the honest me.   

When I started this blog two months ago, I never thought I would be defending my mothering skills on the internet to total strangers.  But then again, I never expected more than 23,000 page views either.  Crazy how things work out. 

YOU CAN TAKE THE GIRL OUT OF THE TRAILER…

“Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside.” 

—Eminem

Part 2 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion or Steve Jobs profile on 60 minutes?  The decision was a tough one last night.  And yes,  I played it like a girl from the trailer park should and turned it to BRAVO.   Listen people, over the past 4 months (give or take a few) I have invested every Sunday night to watching dem’ crazy bitches from New Jersey so I wasn’t about to NOT watch the final show of the season.  HELLO!

So, why I am sharing this?  Well, this morning I asked MEHUBS what happened on the 60 minutes piece on Steve Jobs.  And, no surprise here…. he refused to tell me.  Yes, he refused to tell me, saying I should have watched it.  This actually doesn’t upset me. You see, MEHUBS hates my taste in TV shows and doesn’t understand how someone with my intelligence (like, I’m super smart, y’all)  would watch trashy reality TV.  

Let me explain why, right here, right now.  All day long I’m using  my noodle at work, reporting and writing on the news of the day.  So, the last thing I want to watch (when I’m at home) is another news program, or a really heavy TV show (IE: crime or family dramas, etc).   I just want to zone out and not think during the rare time I get to watch TV for fun (remember, I work in TV).  And the Real Housewives fill that void— it’s just mindless, stupid TV that also happens to be produced very well.  And yes, it makes me feel better about my own life watching the mess that are the Housewives.  Y’all dig?

I’m back to the grind today… and it’s on, really on.  This week starts the all mighty November sweeps period for all the networks.  So that means big investigations, important stories to share and you guessed it—  STORM WATCH! 

Also, I will be praying to the news Gods to look over my colleagues this month. Yes people,  there are such deities in TV news, or perhaps they are demigods?.  Either way, we journalists need a lot of love and prayers.   

Happy Monday, y’all.

Hugs & Unicorns,

Tara 

ME ADVENTURE

Tomorrow, I’m embarking on my first “Me Adventure” since becoming a mom and a wife.  Yep, there will be  no Savages and no MeHubs on this 5 day relaxation getaway. Just me and the three B’s—- my BFFs (Ed and Alisa),  a beach, and Bud Light.

DAH! What the fuck was I thinking when I agreed to this?  I’ve not been without a tangible, living, breathing child by my side since January 2008.  I’ve not taken a vacation without MeHubs since 2006. These pictures are from that last trip with my BFFs (that’s Christy in the middle):

But this trip just isn’t any vacation.  It’s a gift from my BFFs.  We’ve all been friends since we were 14 years old.  And this year, we all are turning the big 40!  To celebrate old age, we all had planned a big vacation to this place:

But shit happens and I couldn’t really afford ( or justify) spending money on a ME vacation (for the record MEHUBS hates hot weather and didn’t want to go).  So guess what they did?  They paid for the entire thing on one condition— that I actually show up and go.  Or as Alisa said, “Bitch, you better not back out.”   I have seriously fucking amazing friends, right?

Right about now you must be thinking “get over yourself Tara”.  Believe me, I will throw it down once I’m there on the beach with my BFFs and a Bud Light.  However, right here, right now, I’m just not sure I know how to function properly without my Finestone Fellas.  ((Que the violins)).

MeHubs, Paybacks are a bitch

It’s Saturday afternoon and I’m on kid patrol.  It’s cool, I love my boys and I adore spending time with them one on one.   We have been having fun today, you know, playing trains, cars, legos and watching “Monsters Inc” for the millionth fucking time. 

Oh, what’s that?   Where is MeHubs?  Good question, thanks for asking. 

MeHubs is in Ojai for the next 10 hours. He’s hanging with adults, playing drums with his country punk band at a benefit show at the Ojai Bowl.  There’s also a MAJOR rockstar playing a surprise set at that show.  Bitter?  Perhaps… but more like I’m thoroughly annoyed.

Why, you ask?  Another good question, let me explain in three bullet points:

1) Lack of notice, so I can’t attend

Thursday night he informs me of the Saturday show, but it’s not just any show.  It’s all day affair in a lovely Southern California town that is nearly a two hours drive from our home.  He knows we are trying to save money and I wouldn’t want to pay our Nanny another 10-12 hour day.  Fuck that, I did call and ask her to see if she was available today, her day off.  She was busy.  We played MeHubs, well played.

2) He’s likes to play the Martyr

I found out yesterday morning (when I woke up) that MeHubs gave the nanny the day off.  Of course I asked why, he looked shocked and said that he wanted to watch the kids all day.  Okay good people, don’t fall for his daddy charm.  This is complete bullshit.   While he loves his children, worships them even, there is one reason why he did this.  MeHubs wanted to be able to say this to me today if I protested at all:  ”I watched the kids all day yesterday, so suck it.”

3) Helping around the house helps ease the guilt

I was actually able to sleep in this morning because Mehubs took the kids to the park for a few hours.  Sweet right?  Not really.  He also did a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, swept the floor and gave our two year old a bath before he left.   Impressive, right?   Not really.   It’s all part of a calculated plan— one that he executes flawlessly on days like today.  It’s his way to let me know that he participated in the parenting and managing of our household even though he’s going to be gone all fucking day on my only day to get things done.  

Unfortunately, this type of thing happens quite often when you are married to a musician.  However, I will let this one go. I will let him enjoy his day without annoying, guilt-laden texts or phone calls.  How mature, right?  Hell no.

I’m adding it to the kitty.  What’s that… the kitty?  Why, you all are full of great questions today.  

You see, in less than two weeks I’m going on a vacation to an exotic local with my best friends from Seattle.   Just me and my friends—  no kids and no husband.  I will be cashing in on 5, no make that 8 years of suffering for MeHubs art.

Paybacks are bitch.