Doing ‘The Pacquiao’
“Let’s Get Ready to ……. “. Yes, I was completely distracted by the dude behind Michael Buffer in the ring tonight before the Marquez- Pacquiao fight in Las Vegas. And yes, he deserves his own GIF. Enjoy.
CONFUCIUS SAYS…. FLOW CHART IT!
Are you confused about the Petraeus Scandal? If so, you are not alone. But finally, someone made sense of the real life telenovela, also known as the “Love Pentagon Scandal”. My favorite part: the shirtless FBI agent who interjected himself in this mess.
Thanks to GAWKER for the flow chart. I keep thinking at some point Kevin Bacon is gonna pop up in the scandal….
(SEXY) TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
So my 4 1/2 year old’s current obsession is “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”. We spend quite a bit of time looking at photos of TMNT ninja online. I pull the ninjas up on the iPad, and he flips through photos like these:
Since it’s Halloween time, we’ve been cruising websites to find Ninja Turtle costumes. He wants to be Leonardo this year. This is Leonardo:
This morning, he came to me with the iPad after stumbling across a couple of costumes that he said, ”would look great on you Mommy”.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that only whores would be “Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” on Halloween. Yes, young, stunning, smoking hot whores. I also didn’t tell him that I’d sell my soul to have their body just for one night.
CONVERSATION WITH MY 4 YEAR OLD BOY
Me: You’ve been such a good boy, you can get a new toy when we go to Target.
4Yo Son: A new toy!?
Me: Yes, how about a new puzzle.
4YO Son: I don’t want a puzzle, I want “Doggy Doo”.
Me: “Doggy Doo” ?
4YO Son: Yes, I saw it on Cartoon Network.
Me: What is “Doggy Doo”?
4YO Son: It’s a doggy like Weiner that goes poo, poo.
Me: I’m not getting you a doggy that poo-poos. You got two doggies that poo-poo all day long.
4YO Son: But I want “Doggy Doo”! I want to play with “Doggy Doo”.
Me: Let’s take a walk outside in the backyard, there’s plenty of “Doggy Doos” to play with.
The TAKE AWAY: He didn’t think the trip to the backyard was funny. I didn’t think the toy “Doggy Doo” was real. And for the record, he got a puzzle.
“MESSAGE OF THE DAY” FROM OJ SIMPSON
I had dinner with a friend last night who shared with me what I like to call a “only in LA” moment. The moment turned out to be so incredibly ironic, that I asked him for permission to share it on my blog.
My friend said he had dinner one night (in Hollywood) with OJ Simpson and a couple of other people. This was a few years before OJ (allegedly) butchered his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman, in 1994.
My friend said that OJ pulled a piece paper from his jacket during dinner. He then proceeded to tell the group that he often carried it with him and read it anytime he felt the need.
My friend not only had the balls to ask Simpson to allow him to photocopy the piece of paper (the restaurant gladly obliged the request), but he also asked the “Juice” to autograph it. As you can see, OJ granted the request… and for the record, my friend wasn’t “bitch-slapped” on the head for asking.
And now you know.
Chicken Pox or Flea Bites?
- +++Conversation last night with my 4 year old son in our front yard+++
- 4YO: Mommy look! (He had pulled up t-shirt and was pointing at his chest/stomach).
- Me: Hmmm... you have lots of red bumps.
- Me: (turns to my neighbor) These aren't chicken pox are they?
- Neighbor: He's vaccinated right?
- Me: Yes.
- Neighbor: Then no, probably just some bites.
- Me: (looking at my kid) you are fine, go play.
- +++Fast forward to a phone call that I received today at work from my kids preschool+++
- Me: Hi, this is Tara.
- Preschool: Hi Tara, this is _____ from _____ school. Your son is with me here in the office.
- Me: What? Is he okay?
- Preschool: I'm not sure. He pulled up his t-shirt in class this morning and said that he has chicken pox.
- Me: (laughing) Really?
- Preschool: Yes. He does have quite a few bumps.
- Me: (laughing harder)
- Preschool: He said that you told him that he had chicken pox.
- Me: No... no. He doesn't have chicken pox. He has fleas.
- Preschool: Oh good. I'll send him back to class.
Click on this video, you will laugh and revel in the joy of a life long Los Angeles Kings fan moments after the Kings swept St. Louis Sunday… advancing to the National Hockey League’s conference finals for just the second time in the clubs history.
This man is the husband of my friend Kris, who quietly shot the joyous moment with her Iphone— unbeknownst to her hubby.
Go KINGS!!
conversation tonight with my 4 year old while reading a dinosaur book
- Me: This is a T-Rex-- they call him the lizard king.
- 4YO: Mama, listen.. listen to me. there's a new dinosaur that lives there (points to map of North America).
- Me: Really... what's its name?
- 4YO: Fucktasaurus.
- Me: Really?
- 4YO: Yes, he's the Fucktasaurus.
- Me: Wow, that's funny... That pretty much sums up my day.
- 4YO: Huh?
The funniest thing I have seen on youtube in a looooooong time. Three Grandmas take on Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. BRILLIANT. DYING.
Give these three GMA’s a show immediately.
I found this movie trailer while scanning youtube today for octopus videos. Yes, this is one of the ways I spend my free time ( Hello, I’m the mom of two boys).
Anyway, I could not believe what I came across. Let me do the video math for you:
Mega Shark (+) Giant Octopus (X) Debbie Gibson (-) Lorenzo Lamas(=) How does this shit get made into a feature film?
But do watch, it’s hilarious and you’ll only waste about a minute of your life.
