Don’t Mess With The Elf On The Shelf
If you have no idea what ”The Elf on the Shelf” means you probably don’t have small children. ”The Elf on the Shelf” is a relatively new, manufactured Christmas tradition started by some brilliant marketer who was out to sucker families with small kids all over the world. The book has been so brilliantly successful they’ve turned it into an animated Holiday Special (golf claps). 
Here’s the 99 cent version: an elf, which you let your kids name, comes visits your house every year during the month of December. My kids named ours Roy. Yes, his name is ROY (Whatever). Okay, so the story goes that Roy watches over the kids during the day and then mysteriously (or magically) disappears at night to visit Santa and report on all the doings of the day (all that naughty and nice bullshit). There is one rule: you must NEVER touch Roy or he loses his magic and he will leave your home. Simple enough, right?
Well, two days ago my kid touched Roy. He pushed the couch up to our fireplace mantle, jumped on the cushions and then poked his little finger into Roy’s tummy.
And I watched it all go down.
“Did you just touch Roy?”, I gasped.
Silence.
“Dude, did you just touch Roy?” I asked again.
“Yes, I’m sorry,” he said, as tears welled up in his eyes.
I just sat there stunned not sure what to do next. I didn’t want to mess with his fragile mind who so believes in Rudolph, Frosty and Santa. And yes, he also believes in the magic of ”The Elf on The Shelf.”
“Okay, well, that is not good,” I said. ”Roy is now going to loose his magic.”
His tears then turned into out of control hysterical sobbing.
“What are we gonna do?” I asked. As I gave him a hug, I grabbed Roy off the mantle and threw him behind the TV.
After holding him a few minutes, assuring him that we’d figure it out, I gasped, ”Oh My Gawd… Roy is gone!”
Stunned… looking toward where Roy had been perched on the mantle, he asked ” Did he go back to Santa?”.
I knew I had to work some Christmas magic and work it quick. I suggested that we could write Santa a letter just like the boy who messed up in the “Elf on the Shelf” holiday animated special.
“Okay,” he said as he wiped away tears.
And this is the letter that my boy dictated to me verbatim. Pretty sweet and sincere, if I do say so myself. After he signed it, I put it in an envelope and “mailed it” to Santa. 
Tis the Season for some holiday magic. And yes, it appears Santa does listen and he does forgive.
Meet Roy…. our Elf on the Shelf who magically turned up today after nap time. My almost 4 year old was overcome with joy and sat for at least 5 minutes staring at Roy.
All is now right in the world. And I hate to admit it but a Christmas tradition was born in our Casa— you don’t fuck with “The Elf on the Shelf.”
