A Letter From My Mom
Happy Halloween! Today on “Tara’s Take” - my first guest blog post! It’s from my mom Nancy and she’s upset with me. After two months of reading this blog, she’s finally hit a breaking point and today sent me this email (this comes after a few private Facebook messages). She’s not happy with some things I write about and the language I use....
My Saturday Night: A Pom & A Candy Apple......
4 Year Olds Are Cool
The Scene: Right now my 3 year old has a playdate with his BFF- a 4 year old boy who also happens to be this little dude from his preschool. My son is all upset because I won’t give him the computer so he can show his BFF fire truck and garbage trucks greatest hits on youtube. 3YO Son (Fake crying): Mom, mom, I want fire trucks Me: No, get out of here and go play. 3YO Son (fake crying...
NEIGHBORS WHO LOOK SPIFFY....
The Scene: Leaving for work today I ran into two of my neighbors out in front of my home. Not just any neighbors, but the 80+ year old senile Thai lady who lives alone and the 60+ Vietnam Vet who lives with cats (by the way he was ONLY wearing a pair of daisy dukes— I shit you not). In his defense, it’s hot today in LA. Me (a bit too cheery): Hi! 80YO Thai lady (silence with...
Mom, I got balls, great big balls. You can’t play with them. Well, maybe...– said my 3 year old son during lunch today
WISH BOOK ENVY
My kid is obsessed with catalogs, specifically toy catalogs. He can sit for hours looking at the pages, dreaming of what he wants MEHUBS and me to buy him. At first I indulged in his obsession. I even encouraged him to dream big and to explain why he so badly wanted the items on the pages. But now, I’m over it and just cut him off at the pass: Harry: “Mom, Mom, Mom…. look,...
Playing With Boys
“Hey Mom! You be the princess and I go rescue you,” shrieked my 3 year old son this morning while were were watching Shrek for the 700th time. He said it during the scene where Shreky rescues princess Fiona from the castle guarded by the fire breathing future baby mama of Dooonkeeey! When he suggested I become the princess, I actually had an “ah shit!… I’m a...
YOU CAN TAKE THE GIRL OUT OF THE TRAILER...
“Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside.” —Eminem Part 2 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion or Steve Jobs profile on 60 minutes? The decision was a tough one last night. And yes, I played it like a girl from the trailer park should and turned it to BRAVO. Listen people, over the past 4 months (give or take a few) I...
The Best of My World
Here are two photos that capture the best of my world this week. The one above was taken in Madeira Beach, Florida. My best friend of 25 years (Alisa) and I sitting, relaxing and deep into a conversation about god knows what. That is what makes this so special, we were so consumed with each other that we didn’t know this was being taken. Or perhaps it was the rum in that red cup of...
Tomorrow, I’m embarking on my first “Me Adventure” since becoming a mom and a wife. Yep, there will be no Savages and no MeHubs on this 5 day relaxation getaway. Just me and the three B’s—- my BFFs (Ed and Alisa), a beach, and Bud Light. DAH! What the fuck was I thinking when I agreed to this? I’ve not been without a tangible, living, breathing child by...
Aw hell no.
kellyoxford: You would think this was photoshopped, but it isn’t. Who shows up at any event like this? Like, even a perfume launch at Walmart? NO ONE. Lohan with nail polish all over her hands and rotting teefs!!? SAY IT AIN’T SO GINGER GIRL! It’s giving me a terrible case of the SADS.
MERV LIFE LESSON #7
This is my dad. His name is Merv. This week in lieu of a Life Lesson, I decided to play 3 questions with my dad, specifically get his take on three topics that he’s been yammering about this past week: Steve Job’s passing, FOX News and the NBA Lockout. Steve Job’s Death “Cancer is survivable”. ((side note from me: Dad, cancer is not always survivable...
DON'T MAKE ME BUST MY FOOT OFF IN YO'....
Funny, I don’t remember the “What to Expect” books ever telling me that my kid could get a disease that also sickens “cloven-hoofed animals”. Foot-and-mouth disease or hoof-and-mouth disease (Aphtae epizooticae) is an infectious and sometimes fatal viral disease that affects cloven-hoofed animals, including domestic and wild bovids. My favorite part are the...
My two year old is obsessed with our a$$holes. I mean obsessed. But not in a good way. He especially likes to bully our slow on the take Pom, aka Bubbies. Our boy is kind of like the asshole fat kid from your elementary school days who liked to sit on kids during a fight. Notice his signature head move when the action starts.
MeHubs, Paybacks are a bitch
It’s Saturday afternoon and I’m on kid patrol. It’s cool, I love my boys and I adore spending time with them one on one. We have been having fun today, you know, playing trains, cars, legos and watching “Monsters Inc” for the millionth fucking time. Oh, what’s that? Where is MeHubs? Good question, thanks for asking. MeHubs is in Ojai for the next 10...
THE FIRST RULE OF THE FIGHT CLUB
The Scene: My 3 year old is watching Sprout, specifically Caillou, a character he clearly relates to. My 2 year old is pissed because he wants to watch Finding Nemo, another character he clearly relates too. The 2 year old walks over to the Direct TV box and turns off it off. And so begins World War 700. 3YO (bum rushing the 2 yo): YOU ARE A BAD BOY! 2YO (yelling): No, No, Nemo!! 3YO...
MERV LIFE LESSON #6
This is my dad. His name is Merv. Merv was a life long Army man and liked to pass on his military knowledge to his kids. Growing up, Dad would use this phrase in all kinds of situations, “Tara-Bear, you’re just shitting in your mess kit”. I realized as I was writing this post, I have no clue as to what that really means. So I just googled it and according to the urban...
When people find out what I do for a living, they always have opinions about what I do for a living. Bottom line, most people love to hate the media. So, when stories that I write and/or produce end up helping people, even end up changing lives, it’s all the more special. Bare with me, there is a point to all this. But first the back story. This morning I got all gussied up and left...
RESPONSIBLE PARENTING BLOWS
There is one day a year that Me Hubs looks forward to and that is the first Saturday in October. That’s the day of the Eagle Rock Music Festival, the day when aging hipsters, along with current hipsters invade our hood to see 25 bands play over an 8 hour period. Each year, Me Hubs takes great pleasure in throwing a small shin-dig before we walk over to the rock show. But no matter how...
The Scene: All this week the master manipulator has been on a "I want this" kick. Last night my husband decided to channel that energy into creating a list for Santa Claus. But he left a critical piece of information out of the lesson.
3YO Son (wakes up, walks into living room, looks around and becomes visibly disappointed): Ah... Man!
Me: What's wrong?
3YO Son: There's No tree!
Me: What do you mean, no tree?
3YO Son: Dad said we do a list for Santa and he'd come down chimney and there'd be a tree with presents.
Me: Sorry, your dad lied.
3YO Son (yelling at Dad in other room): Daaaaaaddddd, not again!
The Take Away: Son, reality bites.